I had to do it. The most dreaded thing in the world for a woman. That’s right. I went bathing suit shopping. I’m going to a camp for work and I leave next Sunday. And I haven’t bought a suit since probably 2004. Ugh. I hate shopping for bathing suits because it leaves you nothing but depressed and low and determined to begin a exercise regime likely to that of the USMC. Even if you don’t.
So, I was there, staring at all the bathing suit pieces and drowning in misery and wondering why they cost so stinking much for scraps of fabric. I had avoided that section all together by looking at capris, shorts and jeans for a while. (Can I say I found a sweet deal on a pair of Dockers? And I bought ’em.) Anyway, I’m there, shopping, which I hate to do anyway. And I start looking around a little bit, still trying to deny the fact that I’m even IN the bathing suit section. I start noticing other people which is rare for me. I’m a get-in-get-my-stuff-and-get-out kind of girl, and I could miss my own mama while I was at it. But, I see these people and their spouses and their kids and not a soul in the store looks happy. People are arguing, kids are crying, and others are trying to ignore all the chaos around them.
And I kind of smile to myself. I’m taking my time. I’m alone. DH has the kids and I am in a store completely alone. No buggies, no sippy cups, no cart cover or blankets, no toys, no SIT DOWN!s, no whining, no “Don’t grab things!”. And I realize……..I’m alone. And I miss them. So I call to see what they’re doing and if they want pizza for supper. Hang up and get busy finding a suit that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg once I find out that JP has been stung by a wasp and is crying for me.
But I’m still thinking about those people. The ones that are filling up their buggies and arguing and crying and just looking like the world is against them. I smile at a lady going by and she kind of glares back at me and keeps going. I try to find someone to help me find something and spend 10 minutes in pursuit of someone who I don’t think exists. And I start getting into that unhappy place. I finally get a suit, khakis AND a pair of capris (a big shopping trip for me!) and leave. Well, after I get up there and realize the capris have no tag so I volunteer to go get another pair and walk past a line of folks who glare at me for picking up the one pair of pants that DON’T have a tag. The cashier liked me though.
All the way home, I thought about that question that I posted. What makes you happy? What makes you smile? What touches your heart and just fills a little spot? For me, it’s usually my boys. That night, when I got home, JP was tickling JL’s belly and he was giggling so hard and trying to get away and they were both just rolling with laughter. It’s my new clothesline that I’ve been begging for for a year. It’s my magnolia blooming. It’s the pitter-patter of little feet above my head. It’s the quiet while I do this. It’s the fantastic conversation that DH and I had last Sunday night that just opened doors in our relationship, a nearly 10 year relationship if you count dating and marriage. And after all this, I knew one thing.
I’m happy with my life. There are things I want to change, yes, but I have a good life. I don’t have to fill it with consumerism like some. I don’t need a ton of things to make me happy. I’m determined to just live a simple life as we’ve been instructed and to someday, just work with my hands on our own place. Patience is not a virtue I have a lot of and I get so frustrated and fed up sometimes with work and the bills and life.
But, ultimately, I am a better, nicer, more caring person when I am happy. So, I pledge to the no one out there that I am going to keep my perspective in check and to just be happy with the blessings in my life.